Category Archives: Marriage

Shame

shame

When I was growing up, I often felt shame. My mother was mentally ill and there was nothing you at all talking about. I carefully avoided anything that could reveal my mother's illness. It was an upbringing in shame and denial. I also felt a great debt. It felt somehow as if everything was my fault and that it was my responsibility to set things right.

At school, alcoholism could be wisdom. "Stina moved away from home. She did not stand out with her parents. Her father dropped. "I remember feeling fond of jealousy like Stina. It would have been so easy to just say that even parents were kidding. But no. Mental illness itself was never talked about. Yes, of course. I actually had a classmate in high school, Fredrik was his name. He told me that his parents were divorced because his mother was mentally ill. Only now at high school he had been told that he had not only a sister, but two more siblings whom no one had told. Fredrik's father had not been able to take care of all four children, without the two youngest he had left away and never told anything about Fredrik and his big sister. I felt terribly sorry for Fredrik and also felt a cohabitation. It was not only me in the whole universe who had a mentally ill parent.

My mother's mental illness made it among others in the fact that she could not clean up, but instead gathered and accumulated. She was not able to throw anything. When other friends took their buddies so I went alone. I could never bring home someone and I had nobody to talk to. When I was maybe twelve years old then expressed my mother very hard and clear to me that if I divulged a single word about how it looked in our home so I would be utkört. I remember the fear I felt. Where would I go? I had nowhere to take my refuge and I had no one at all to talk to.

My siblings were much older than me and them, I could not talk to. Everything was somehow under the lid. In stealth, I tried to clean up as much as I could. One summer I emptied my nephew and my parents' basement in secret. It was basically just rubbish we sorted out and threw the container. Unfortunately, it did not take long, it was just as much junk in the basement again.

When I moved away from home to 19 years old, it was such an incredible relief that I could finally stay somewhere where I could keep in order. I enjoyed being able to win friends and I made a decision to not feel guilty that I was no longer at home and cleaned my parents. Eventually I realized that I actually could do nothing. I freed myself from a lot of the responsibility that I put on myself to be responsible for my parents' lives.

There is an expression in Sweden that I really deny and that's the expression; "It's both pity and shame." It is so incredibly easy to blend these two concepts together. Taste these words yourself: SYND - SKAM.

When I became a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints as I learned about sin. What is a shame really? According to our theology is a pity that of their own free will choose to disobey God's commandments or not to act righteously despite knowing the truth. James 4: 17 says:

He who thus knoweth to do good and doeth it not, he sins.

Sin is thus only about one thing; not following the will of God / the good that we know what is right or wrong. Sin is not about what other people do, it's not about making mistakes, though it was not intentional and it is definitely not about shame.

In our church, we have a wonderful theological doctrine that shields us from shame. Unlike all other Christian churches we believe is not for the original sin. Original Sin means that someone else has done wrong and we others can carry the sin and shame. How unfair is not it.

When I read the literature I'll take some of the thoughts of the förkättade original sin as completely poison the people's self-perception. You can find it in Baudelaire For Fleurs du mal as well as in Hawthornes The Scarlet Letter. We are born as sinners, we inherit the sins of others ... How false is not this doctrine! The truth is that we are born completely new and pure without sin and we do not inherit the sins of others.

Most recently I read Jean Paul Sartre's play The flies that just about guilt and freedom of action. Sartre was one of the 1900's greatest existentialists and he stressed that we as humans were free. We are, if condemned to freedom. It means that we do not inherit someone's sin, and it also means that we must take personal responsibility for our decisions. Unfortunately, it seems that Sartre considers that the fact that people can take their fate in their own hands also means that people can feel the anxiety and guilt.

Having the gospel in his life and truly discovering what the gospel means has led me to understand what sin is and I can distinguish between sin and guilt. I know I'm innocent of my parents' behavior, and I do not even charge them for their way of living. Mental illness is no sin in itself.

The gospel has really meant a lot in my life and one of the things is that I have because of the gospel has come to realize that I can not take responsibility for other people's decisions and way of life, but is responsible for my own decisions and the way we live and I do not need to feel guilty, but can let God take care of my negative feelings. All I have to do is start afresh and learn to listen to the Holy Spirit's promptings.

Of course, all this is a process. When I was 28 years and met my current husband, I felt a great shame to tell him about my parents, how my mother was and how it looked in my childhood home. It is only in his forties that I have come so far in my development that I no longer feel shame, but can distinguish between my life and my parents' lives and tell you about my upbringing.

... And then there came a helicopter

helicopter

Some time ago when I was talking to my little daughter Eila so she told me a story.

- Mom, it was a man who had fallen in the water. He prayed to God to be saved. A boat came by and wanted to pick up the man, but the man replied that he would be saved by God. And then there came a helicopter. They celebrated down a ladder and wanted to save the man. But the man refused to be rescued saying that he would be saved by God. In the end, the man drowned and he met God. The man asked accusingly God why God had not come to save him. God answered:

-First So I sent a boat, but you did not want to be picked up and then I sent a helicopter, but you did not want my help then either.

When Eila had told his story, I wondered in my own mind if it was I who had originally told this to her because it is one of my favorite stories. I believe that God is with each of us every second and I think that God in very acts by other people. It may mean that we ask for something, thinking about something, need help with something, and then it pops up a fellow human being who answers even prayers, thoughts or what you need help with. The person providing your answers to prayers do not need to be a member of the same church as you, or even believers. It might as well be a Christer Sturmark. God works through all people.

Last Sunday, I met an elderly female member of the Church. She actually belongs Utby Assembly, but because we belonging Frölunda parish now goes Utby ward when our chapel renovated so it happens quite often that we Frolunda Members encounter Utbymedlemmar. I myself have sometimes gone to their meeting times and sometimes I see some little utbybo going on our meeting times.

Anyway, I went to the elderly female member and regretted the sorrow when her former husband had recently gone away. We began to talk about her divorce and how her life had become when she suddenly told me that she had long wanted to talk to me. I was a little surprised, because we really do not know each other directly, but she is an older sister from the neighbors whom I have encountered a few times and changed a few words. But she said she had known that she would go to me saying that I had to move on to life. I just understood what she meant by her words and felt amazed at how God had just spoken to me through this sister.

Sometimes God also speaks to us through the scriptures. We, as members of the Church believe in personal revelation for our lives. Sometimes the revelation come when we read the scriptures. Just over a week ago, I was in the temple in Stockholm. In anticipation of a session, so I sat down in the temple's entrance vestibule, picked an outsourced Bible and began to read. Randomly I started reading in Luke. Then suddenly a scripture for me as I never have considered.

"Master! Tell my brother to divide the inheritance with me. " Jesus said to him, "Man, who made me the arbiter between you?"Then he said to them: "Make sure your guard against all kinds of greed for life is not about the abundance of possessions." (Luke 12: 13-15)

Since I am currently doing a probate and dread over it so it felt like a direct address from God.

When you are in the temple you always meet interesting people who you may never have met before and probably never meet again. Some of the best talks I have had during these meetings. In recent times, I have shouted a lot about my relationship with my former. man, my child's asperger diagnosis and my mother who was a skater. collector. Especially now that you are in a lifetime, I think so much later. Perhaps it was that God understood that I needed someone to just hug my thoughts in the temple, so I met a beautiful woman, we could call her "Karin", who was there as temple servant. It turned out that both she and I are separate and we started talking relationships. The first Karin says is that "it would have been so wonderful if you had met someone who could join an elder mission." I just felt "ouch" and told me that I just thought so. Otherwise, I think that both her and I have a good and active life.

When I came home from the temple so I sought Karin's fb friendship. It is not the first time I meet someone in the temple which I then become fb friends with. It was not long before it was a small request on fb from Karin if she could sleep over at my place in Gothenburg. She would be on the course outside Gothenburg and thought it would be expensive with the hotel. I wrote back on fb: "can you take cats?" I have three cats at home and it can cause problems for some. I was told that she had two cats and a dog.

So last night, I met Karin at the train. We ate dinner together and we all got to bed right so late. In the morning, I followed her where she would go to meet another classmate she could meet with. Yesterday when the course was over, we were trained again and went out before she would take the train home to Stockholm again. It always feels so nice to have an adult member in the church in his home. We could keep prayer together and it was not just me at home who was an adult. When we talked on, I was amazed at just how Karin and I were. A little trembling, I realized I thought it was a little bit difficult with my ex. Since I have put the children well in the center, I have let him come home to me on Christmas afternoon, Easter afternoon, for dinner in general, etc. Recently, it feels like exet more or less has moved into me and it feels less good. When I pick it up with the kids, they obviously think I'm really crazy because it's their daddy I'm talking about. I can also get this little crazy feeling of "how do I explain this" if I had to start dating again?

It turned out Karin is as weird. She also puts the children's needs at the center. Her children do not want to be with her dad, so their father will come home to them instead. He has no keys to their home. Just to be worse than me, Karin told her that she had gone on vacation together with her ex, the children and exet's new wife. She explained to me that her ex. Men's new wife is from China so she is very tolerant of her husband's former. Madam is always present.

Karin, like me, has a disabled person. Therefore, we began to talk about it and it turned out that Karin's sister's son also has aspergers. We started talking about disabilities in general and then Karin told about his relatives who are collectors. I had not even told her that my mom was a collector. When I was talking to Karin, I became more and more surprised at how much we had in common. When choosing a restaurant, Karin has Indian food as its favorite food like me. We drove off to Three Indies, which is perhaps Gothenburg's best Indian restaurant, but it turned out to be fully booked. Then I wondered if Karin liked vegetarian food. I myself am a vegetarian and in the church we are invited to only eat some meat, but it is a advice that not all members take. However, it was found that Karin does not eat much meat and that both her children are vegetarians. Then we continued through Haga to the restaurant Solrosen and ate our dinner there instead. Solrosen is an old cultural restaurant and perhaps the best vegetarian restaurant in town, except Govindas.

Today, when I write this, I feel so strongly the experience of God's presence in my life. Things that I plagued have answered God through fellow human beings and scriptures. I may not have received a response to what is right or wrong, or an action plan, but life feels much easier and I feel that whatever happens in my life there is always God there and sending a boat or a helicopter.

Lucy Walker - one of Joseph Smith's wives

30102678_122861881853Now FAIRMormon to begin a video series on Joseph Smith's wives. Lucy Walker is the first in this series.

"After much suffering and sadness, the Walker family settled in Nauvoo, where They Became acquainted with the Prophet Joseph Smith and lived with his family for a number of years. May 1st, 1843, Lucy was married by Wm. Clayton to the Prophet Joseph as a plural wife. "

http://www.findagrave.com/cgi-bin/fg.cgi?page=gr&GRid=30102678

http://en.fairmormon.org/Mormonism_and_polygamy/Divine_manifestations_to_plural_wives_and_families

[Youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0AFZEfSRsa8?rel=0]

Views on marriage will not change

vatican summit banner-2

Pope invited to a conference in Rome. There, met many religious leaders who shared their traditions around marriage. All had the same view of it all. Men and women complement each other and have different roles, and a child needs his mother and father.

The religious leaders felt stronger by the conference and they felt that they had a challenge to deal with. The hard for them will be when they want to meet all people who are HBTQs in their life situation. They are not heterosexual, and they feel that they do not fit the religious norm. In addition, they are not HBTQs because they chose it, but they were born.

This is of course a great disappointment for all those who want to see a change and that same sex marriages should be allowed. The Pope raised the hope for a little while ago because he wanted the tone of homosexuals would be toned down and become softer and inclusive. They are now disappointed and believe that the pope has turned coat after the wind.

http://www.mormonnewsroom.org/vatican2014?cid=HPMO111714483

http://humanum.it/en/

http://gaybladet.se/fran-alskad-till-hatad-paven-vander-kappan-efter-den-katolska-vinden-9482732/

http://www.mormonnewsroom.org/article/transcript-president-eyring-addresses-vatican-summit-marriage

http://www.deseretnews.com/article/865615986/Faith-leaders-leave-Vatican-with-high-hopes-for-the-beginning-of-a-new-marriage-movement.html

[Youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HBdQlP5QA1o?rel=0]

[Youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jSgLO9FYgxM&w=560&h=315]

LDS women with children now eligible for full-time work at the seminary and institute

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LDS mothers with children at home are now entitled to work full time as teachers in the Church Seminar and Institute Program.

The policy change was presented to the staff on Friday, says Chad Webb, the administrator of the LDS religious department, the Seminar and the Institute. It quickly generated sorrow and excitement among women in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

"We have previously had no women employees who have young children at home, given their important role as mothers," said Webb. "While we continue to acknowledge the contribution they make in their homes, we also realize that sometimes their personal relationships are such that family situations require them to work."

The church employs more than 2000 full-time seminary and institute teachers around the world.

Full-time salaried seminary teachers who work in areas with large LDS population in Utah and Idaho, where the Church offers seminary classes in buildings adjacent to public high schools in the liberated school hours. More than 400.000 mormonn young people participate in seminar classes around the world, although most are taught outside school hours with 44.000 volunteer teachers serving in Church callings or as missionaries.

Institute program takes care of almost 400.000 young college-age at the Institut around more than 500 colleges and universities around the world.

The first woman to serve as a director of a district of Religion Institute expressed excitement about the policy change.

"It has been a worry that if I ever had children I would have to leave the seminary and institute," says Barbara Morgan, who oversees LDS Institute in Greater Boston Area, including at Harvard and MIT. "This decision is great. I love it. I think it's the right time. I would have been surprised if it had not changed soon. "

"I'm honestly very excited," she added, "No 1 for my future and for other women, and No. 2, I'm really happy for the students, both male and female students, who have the ability to have women with children experienced in establishing families as a teacher in the classroom. "

Webb said the adjustment has been carefully considered for years now and was discussed with church leaders with higher rank in charge of Church teaching.

He also asked for advice from the women who lead the Church auxiliaries.

"We specifically sought their advice and found that they were united in their feelings that this was the right thing to do," he said. "But in the end it was an employment decision taken by the Administration in seminary and institute."

The decision comes at a time when other changes for women have happened in the church. In the last 25 months, the Church has, among other things, reduced the age at which women can earn full-time mission, created new leadership positions for missionaries, enabled women to pray at general conferences and made the general meeting of the quarters a part of general conferences.

Morgan has known Webb and other members of the administration of the Seminar and Institute for 15 years. She confirmed that they have talked about and considered the policy during at least this time.

Morgan knows women with children who decided not to go into teacher education because they knew they could not be employed. She knows women who married men who had children from a previous relationship and had to leave the seminary and institute.

She has also known teachers who marry, as she eventually hopes to do, and then had children and had to leave the Seminar and the Institute.

"I remember thinking when I came into the program from the beginning, that this might not be the right career for me if my husband dies and I have children and I need a job, I'll be trained to do this but not be eligible for a job. "

This is one of the reasons why Morgan, who obtained a master's and master's degree at BYU, completed a Ph.D. at Utah State University when she taught in church history at BYU after teaching at the Seminar for six years.

Webb said that all this was considerations played a role in the decision.

"These decisions are important, so therefore we have thought of it all a lot. I am glad that the time is right. We recognize and value the important role of mothers and families. We also recognize that many women are amazing teachers and role models for our students. We trust that our teachers will make the right decisions for their own personal and family situation. "...

... Webb said that administrators removed the policy that made separate members unsuitable for a full-time employee appointment. Now, those who marry after a divorce can come for a job.

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For those interested, you can read the full article here

http://www.deseretnews.com/article/865615543/LDS-women-with-children-now-eligible-for-full-time-seminary-institute-jobs.html?pg=all