Category Archives: Humor

How a Mormon missionary look at Sweden

mission

If you like Swedish think that Mormon missionaries is something strange, I can announce that the missionaries actually think that Sweden and Swedes are also pretty special. On the home page English missionary has some missionaries set up a list of what they think is odd with Sweden and the Swedes. You have to have a distance.

Completely in the spirit of fun, tongue-in-cheek, self-deprecating humor, here is a list of Things That are Different in Sweden from what we Provincial Americans might expect. (Inspired by a similar list for Argentina.) In add new entries at the top.

  1. Be careful. The nextdoor in the gain (walk-up) is the backdoor of the last guy who is still not interested.
  2. Beer in pop machines.
  3. If you guzzle a glass of water on hot day, you are being rude and Demanding more NOW!
  4. They have an island called "Island Country" (Oland).
  5. Dog Toilets.
  6. Fireworks at Christmas, Easter and just about every occasion (at Least When there's darkness).
  7. Traffic Lights Click or beeper so blind pedestrians can tell Whether the light is red or green.
  8. You can take off the shower head and rinse the conditioner out 30 seconds instead of five minutes. Also you can wash your hair without washing your body if you 're in a hurry.
  9. If you 're not careful, You Will Still praying Knocking on doors in summer at 11: 00 pm ... and the sun is still out.
  10. You turn on the bike headlights in the winter at 3: 00 pm.
  11. Old Swedes go on walks with cats and rodents and Use a leash to pull the helpless animal behind.
  12. A Can of Coke costs USD 2.00 (USD 15) at a cafe.
  13. Everybody HAS super deluxe baby carriages with heavy duty wheels.
  14. No matter how little snow there is, everyone uses studded tires all winter.
  15. No salad is complete without grated carrots.
  16. English Kids Learn to Cook in elementary school.
  17. Girls dress up as witches for Easter and boys dress up as hobos.
  18. Kids sell Bingo / Lotto tickets at the grocery store for fundraising projects.
  19. What you think is a Ku Klux Klan rally in December is really a Santa Lucia procession.
  20. All furniture made of light beech wood or pine.
  21. Unedited R-rated movies on regular (non-cable) television.
  22. Windows with Venetian blinds in-between two panes of glass.
  23. You can camp, hunt, and pick berries on private property.
  24. You attach your phone cord to the wall with something that looks like a 220-V plug.
  25. Everybody owns a cellular phone.
  26. Red boxes around town you put your distressed batteries in.
  27. Everyone takes the rainiest month off in summer for vacation.
  28. Front doors on the back of houses shaped like children.
  29. They claim That wall-to-wall carpeting is Why americans get sickening, but almost everyone in Sweden Has a cold.
  30. Americans like fluffy towels, while Swedes like to smash them into a mangler.
  31. Pear ice cream.
  32. Popular pizza toppings include bananas and curry, or artichoke hearts and roast beef.
  33. "English pizza" to missionaries means "thin, flimsy crust made by a middle-eastern person."
  34. If you're patriotic, you're probably a racist.
  35. Ground beef is not the hamburger as we know it.
  36. You Can Practically step outside your back door and pray in a forest, and pick berries That are in season.
  37. You've got to squeegee the whole bathroom floor after taking a shower.
  38. The cab drivers drive Mercedes Benz.
  39. It takes a crew of six Swedes a week to rip up a cobblestone sidewalk, scrape the dirt off the back, and put it back in. (Not counting bad weather, holidays, Fikas.)
  40. Cops drive Volvo and Saab.
  41. Half-naked women answer the door.
  42. Swedes do not know what a "date" ice. They always go to dances and parties in a group.
  43. The Amount of daylight you get at Different Times of Year, light in the summertime, dark in the winter.
  44. You do not Have to lock your bicycle to a lamp post. Just lock the wheel so it does not turn, and nobody Will take it.
  45. You can not buy greeting cards, aspirin, deli sandwiches, develop film, purely videos or bank at the grocery store, but you'll have to do all that at separate stores.
  46. When you order spaghetti, do not forget to ask for sauce and meatballs, or all you'll get is the noodles.
  47. Pear-flavored and blood-orange-flavored pop.
  48. While Snapple Claims to Be Made from the best stuff on earth, Bob juice is the best stuff on earth.
  49. Pregnant women bicycle.
  50. More store owners honor the Sabbath day.
  51. Plastic Grocery Bags Made to last more than five minutes.
  52. You can not tell by looking at what kind of handle A door HAS Whether You Should push or pull.
  53. "Valentine's Day" decorations at Christmas time
  54. Illuminated Red Buttons to turn the hallway lights on for two minutes.
  55. Root beer is not popular. The natives think it tastes like toothpaste.
  56. Corn on the cob is not for human consumption.
  57. Chocolate soda pop.
  58. You can ride a bicycle without getting killed.
  59. "Caviar" (actually smoked cod roe) is a snack food in toothpaste tubes.
  60. If an elevator is on the third floor and you are on the First and want to go up, You have to tell the elevator to come down.
  61. Elevators with no doors on the cab, just the stationary ones at each floor. You Could touch the wall moving past as the elevator moves.
  62. Continuously running elevators That you jump on and off of like a ski lift (paternoster?).
  63. Licorice can be salty. You'll burn your mouth if you're not careful.
  64. Rotten Fish in a bulging can is a delicacy (fermented herring).
  65. Riding a bicycles on a cobblestone street.
  66. Shaving not as popular with girls.
  67. Rose hip tea (rosehip soup).
  68. "Hockey" with curved Clubs and a very small ball (Bandy).
  69. Traffic lights turn yellow on Both stop and go.
  70. Doorknobs on toilets and toilet handles on doors.
  71. Asking for "Peanut Butter and Jelly" is like asking "rock candy and frosting."
  72. You can get by on £ 5, - the food budget per week. Everybody wants you to come in and "coffee."
  73. It's not surprising to see a movie theater or a bicycle repair shop closed for a month in the middle of the summer.
  74. You go to a health food store to buy maple syrup.
  75. If you order a pizza with olives You get a whole unpitted olive rolling around on top of your pizza.
  76. A clothes dryer is a luxury (but a drying room is not).
  77. The Spin Cycle ice the wrist by A Different machine than in the wash and rinse cycles.
  78. If you think a Swede ice suffocating She May just be saying yes.
  79. You can serve ice cream with a knife.
  80. Mayonnaise comes into toothpaste tubes.
  81. If it were not for the engine running You might ask Able to Hear a pin drop on a bus with 75 people on it.
  82. When a Swede talks about "the system," he's not talking about beating The Establishment; he's talking about buying liquor.
  83. A person who speaks only one language is rarer in Sweden than a polyglot ice in the USA.

Thanks to Donald Einar Asp, Mathew Bone, Ted BorenRick Bosler, David Boss Brian M. BoydJames Davis, Harold Dozier, Gustav Eric Engstrom, Erick HartmanRic Jensen, Christian Karlsson, Dale Olson, Gary Oviatt, Kenth I. Smith, Lee Swindlehurst and Chad Woolley.

Message from the above

Message from the above

Imagine how hilarious it can get sometimes when you have preconceived notions about things.

The two guys in the video expecting a visit from two men who will come and punish them for their inability to pay its debt on time. They have borrowed money from the neighbor above those now fed up and sent two of his men to collect the debt.

But when it knocks on the door and you'll see the two Mormon missionaries ..

[Youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ofW4-xePKVA?rel=0]

The entire Bible explained in a single Facebook post. It is right on target.

Religion is not only bleak twigs, right? Religion can be fun, very funny. I got a tip on a funny thing that I want to share with you to your readers.

It is the whole Bible explained in a very short and easy way. Who knows, there might be an occasional Bible illiterate to begin to read the Bible.

This was a very fun way to begin to read the Bible. I laughed a lot and for a long time I read it. It is right on target.

http://www.tickld.com/smsg/t/1072655
1072655

6 Funny Mormon References in Television Shows

Roses LDS magazine has listed 6 TV shows where jokes about Mormons. Of course, there are even more. Some comments after the article was this:

There havebeen manyother Mormon references in TV shows and movies. One of my favorites not mentioned here was in "Friends." After Rachel found out she was pregnant, she was preparing for a date and was trying to DETERMINE how to explain to her why she dated Could not drink alcohol. She was thinking out loud, and one of the excuses she had come up with was that "I could tell him that i am Mormon."

Who can forget Star Trek IV When Captain Kirk attempted to cover for Spock? Kirk explained away Spock's Obvious weirdness as the result of the free speech movement and "a little too much LDS." For anyone who did not experience this classic torque and the resulting objects wall-to-wall laughter in the theater, the clip is available on YouTube

Yes, I thought of South Park and Saturday Nigth Live with Tim Tebow. There are certainly more ... And, yes, I found Star Trek Lds replica. Probably it would be LSD instead!

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pgHxFNFWlZc?list=PLy3vz4r_NhDSNS0BSBUivGA0Kg1i4iT2u&w=560&h=315]

Golden Girls: Transplant

When Blanche's sister needs a kidney transplant, she does not know Whether to donate her kidney or not. Luckily, she's saved by a donor match Whose kidney is spic-n-span from a life of clean living.

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hcq97pAUEjc?rel=0&start=1160&end=1184&autoplay=0]

Blanche: Oh, well the most wonderful thing happened. They found a donor, an excellent match. She was a retired Mormon schoolteacher.

Rose: Virginia's so lucky!

Blanche: Oh, I'll say! That kidney was showroom new! Why, the wildest thing That ever passed through there was the Ovaltine!

Cheers

"Call Me, Irresponsible"

Admiring a bouquet of flowers late to Carla, Rebecca wonders why more but can not sendflowers. Sam mishears her, and hilarity ensues.

[Youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H5evKY5n0GM?rel=0]

Rebecca"Oh, why can not more but sendflowers?"

Sat"I did not know Mormon Could not sendflowers."

Rebecca"I said more men, not Mormon."

Sat"I know They can not dance."

Standard: "No, Sammy, that's the - that's the Amish."

Sat"Why Can not Mormon sendflowers?"

Rebecca"They can."

Sat"What are you talking about?"

Rebecca"I just wish someone would send me some ... roses!"

Sat"Why does it Have to Be A Mormon?"

Rebecca exited in a huff

Sat"Some people you just cant Discuss with religion."

The Office

Season 5, Episode 10

After Meredith's drunken antics at an office party get out of hand, boss Michael Scott calls an impromptu intervention, and gets his material from what sounds like lds.org.

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Image from blogs.mcall.com

Michael Scott: Meredith, have you ever Distressed alcohol to alter your mood or deliberately change your state of mind?

Meredith: Sure.

Michael Scott: Do you sometimes'll have a drink to celebrate a special occasion or land a holiday?

Meredith: Obviously.

Michael Scott: Have you ever, Under the Influence of Alcohol, questioned the teachings of the Mormon Church?

Oscar: Where did you get this?

Michael Scott: I got it on a website. That's not important.

That '70s Show

Season 5, Episode 13

Looking around at the number of children at his house, father, Reginald (Red) gets a sense of what it's like to have a large family.

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Still from YouTube

Red: Look at all these ... kids. I feel like a Mormon.

The Single Guy

Pilot

Single man Jonathan Comments on how married people like to Share Their joy by helping other people get married. (Just like what the LDS missionaries do.)

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Image from friends.wikia.com

Jonathan: You married peoplehave this bizarre need to turn everyone else into married people. You're like vampires - or Mormon.

The Bob Newhart Show

Howard's brother, Gordon the Game Warden, had been to Chicago for a visit. Emily finds the alliteration so funny, she invents another brother Howard named Norman.

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Image from wikipedia.org

emilyHoward's brother called.

Bob: Warden Gordon Bordon?

emily: No ... his other brother. Norman.

Bob: What does he do?

emily: He's a doorman. At the Tabernacle in Salt Lake City.

BobDo not tell me he's a Mormon.

emily: That's right. Norman Borden the Mormon Doorman.

Bob: How long did it take you to come up with that?

emily: All day.

Source: LDS Living 141029: 6 Funny Mormon References in Television Shows