Category Archives: Life as a Mormon

Shame

shame

When I was growing up, I often felt shame. My mother was mentally ill and there was nothing you at all talking about. I carefully avoided anything that could reveal my mother's illness. It was an upbringing in shame and denial. I also felt a great debt. It felt somehow as if everything was my fault and that it was my responsibility to set things right.

In school, it could whispers of alcoholism. "Stina moved away from home. She could not stand their parents. Her father drank. "I remember that I felt envious of people who Stina. It had been so easy to just say that your parents drank. But no. Mental illness in itself was talk never about. Yes, of course. I actually had a classmate in high school, Frederick was his name. He told me that his parents were divorced because his mother was mentally ill. Only now in high school, he had been told that he not only had a sister, but two other siblings that no one had told me about. Frederick's father had not been able to take care of four children, but the two youngest, he had left off and never told any of Fredrik and his older sister. I felt terribly sorry for Frederick and also felt an affinity. It was not the only one in the entire universe who had a mentally ill parent.

My mother's mental illness made it among others in the fact that she could not clean up, but instead gathered and accumulated. She was not able to throw anything. When other friends took their buddies so I went alone. I could never bring home someone and I had nobody to talk to. When I was maybe twelve years old then expressed my mother very hard and clear to me that if I divulged a single word about how it looked in our home so I would be utkört. I remember the fear I felt. Where would I go? I had nowhere to take my refuge and I had no one at all to talk to.

My siblings were much older than me and them, I could not talk to. Everything was somehow under the lid. In stealth, I tried to clean up as much as I could. One summer I emptied my nephew and my parents' basement in secret. It was basically just rubbish we sorted out and threw the container. Unfortunately, it did not take long, it was just as much junk in the basement again.

When I moved away from home to 19 years old, it was such an incredible relief that I could finally stay somewhere where I could keep in order. I enjoyed being able to win friends and I made a decision to not feel guilty that I was no longer at home and cleaned my parents. Eventually I realized that I actually could do nothing. I freed myself from a lot of the responsibility that I put on myself to be responsible for my parents' lives.

There is an expression in Sweden that I really hate, and it is the expression; "It's a sin and a shame." It is so incredibly easy to confuse these two concepts. Taste these words himself: SHAME - SHAME.

When I became a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints as I learned about sin. What is a shame really? According to our theology is a pity that of their own free will choose to disobey God's commandments or not to act righteously despite knowing the truth. James 4: 17 says:

 

He who thus knoweth to do good and doeth it not, he sins.

 

Sin is thus only about one thing; not following the will of God / the good that we know what is right or wrong. Sin is not about what other people do, it's not about making mistakes, though it was not intentional and it is definitely not about shame.

In our church, we have a wonderful theological doctrine that shields us from shame. Unlike all other Christian churches we believe is not for the original sin. Original Sin means that someone else has done wrong and we others can carry the sin and shame. How unfair is not it.

When I read the literature I'll take some of the thoughts of the förkättade original sin as completely poison the people's self-perception. You can find it in Baudelaire The Fleurs du malas well as Hawthorne's The Scarlet Letter. We are born as sinners, we inherit the sins of others ... How false is this doctrine! The truth is that we are born quite new and clean without sin and we do not inherit the sins of others.

Most recently I read Jean Paul Sartre's play The flies that just about guilt and freedom of action. Sartre was one of the 1900's greatest existentialists and he stressed that we as humans were free. We are, if condemned to freedom. It means that we do not inherit someone's sin, and it also means that we must take personal responsibility for our decisions. Unfortunately, it seems that Sartre considers that the fact that people can take their fate in their own hands also means that people can feel the anxiety and guilt.

To have the gospel in their lives and really discover what the gospel means has for me meant that I can understand what sin is and I can distinguish between sin and guilt. I know I am innocent of my parents' behavior and I vices nor them for their way of life. Mental illness is in itself no sin.

The gospel has really meant a lot in my life and one of the things is that I have because of the gospel has come to realize that I can not take responsibility for other people's decisions and way of life, but is responsible for my own decisions and the way we live and I do not need to feel guilty, but can let God take care of my negative feelings. All I have to do is start afresh and learn to listen to the Holy Spirit's promptings.

Of course, all this is a process. When I was 28 years and met my current husband, I felt a great shame to tell him about my parents, how my mother was and how it looked in my childhood home. It is only in his forties that I have come so far in my development that I no longer feel shame, but can distinguish between my life and my parents' lives and tell you about my upbringing.

"Sophie was caught by a sect"

Sect Home Kombo-241

Just when I was beginning to think that the media in Sweden might have started to become less restricted and more international in its mindset as it happens suddenly to an article appears in Aftonbladet that are clean return to the Middle Ages.

In an article in Aftonbladet with the title "Sofi was caught by a sect" (2015-03-06) describes how distraught parents who lost her daughter to a Mormon sect. Another interview with a renegade Mormon included. Unlike the story of "Sofi" so is this woman's name is not fingrerat.

The story of "Sofi" is a story that many members know. Indeed, there is not so many members in Sweden that you do not know who it is written on, especially not in this case. On Mormon Lady, we wrote about "Sofi" for a couple of years ago. The story is tragic. It is not really about a girl who chooses to become a Mormon. It is about parents who can not accept her daughter's life choices. Self I recognize all too well. My parents forbade me to have the church do when they understood my interest in it. I was forced to choose between the church and my parents. I was in fear of those who would represent my security and trust. How difficult it must be for parents to accept their children's choices and how difficult it must be for Aftonbladet not to be so black and white - all to create sensation? The sad for Aftonbladet is that there are lots of people in this country who actually know Mormons and who know that what they write is not true. "Sofi" himself wrote a blog post here on Mormon Lady for a couple of years ago where she gave her version of what had really happened. To avoid further conflicts with his parents as we were asked, however, to remove the blog post.

It is surprising that Aftonbladet may still be in this kind of duck pond and not realize that they have made fools of themselves. Other Swedish newspapers wrote today respectful of our faith. If you read a popular magazine, Huffington Post, you find many articles about the "Mormons." Some are not so flattering, but many are quite positive. They give words a nuanced picture of our church and our faith. How can Aftonbladet be as medieval? It is a mystery indeed.

Church Public Affairs felt that this article was going on and will respond to the criticism. Mormon Lady has been in contact with FINYAR researching new religions and alternative spirituality. They are surprised Aftonbladet's actions, but says Aftonbladet is difficult to communicate with. Aftonbladet had not contacted them that the article was about. Mormon Lady was the one who had to tell "Sofi" man if they stood them in Aftonbladet. The question is what kind of journalism it represents; not to allow all parties to be heard and not even informed that they intend to write about them?

On a couple of facebook groups for Swedish Church members who I'm in so discussed Aftonbladet article. How do you react when members of the Church of the article? Yes, some taking up the fact that only 16% of the Swedish population have confidence in Aftonbladet, according to a recent survey. Others feel a sense of security that people in general and, for example, employers think it is ok that they are "Mormons." Some get upset and think that Aftonbladet represents a limited socialist vision. We can all think differently. For my part, gives the closest to a post-traumatic stress disorder. I myself have gone through like Sofi has had to go through. But even though it is our parents who torment us so no one asks about our emotions and how we have been treated.

My oldest daughter is no longer active in the Church. Certainly, I hope that she ever come back to church because it is such a huge joy and comfort to have Jesus Christ in his life. But whatever she chooses for life so I respect that it is her life. She has free will and the right to choose their own life. As members of the Church, we must respect our children to choose their own lives and their own outlook on life. For me it is also obvious that all parents, regardless of creed, respecting their children's choice.

To read the article in its entirety so is this: http://web.comhem.se/dannereuter/aftonbladet_sondag_1mar_s32-38.pdf

 

 

A happy funeral

Fredrik

What do you think of when you hear the word funeral? My Swedish church experience is that it is a sad and final event. Grief, sadness and solemnity. My mother's funeral felt like a business association of humanists; no faith, no faith, nothing more than an impersonal priest who rattled off their lines and impersonal ritual mantra.

On Friday, so I attended a funeral of a dear brother in the church. He had for years suffered from Parkinson's disease and experienced the disease as a monster who had taken over his body. For his missing relatives were mixed with relief that his brother now had it good.

As I wrote in other blog posts, I love Mormon funerals. When I arrived at the chapel, I had with me three roses to lay on the coffin; one red, one white and one gammelrosagul. Although I do not actively spent time with family in private, I experienced Fredrik as a dear brother in the congregation.

The chapel was completely filled with people. I recognized a few people who are no longer active in the church, some people I had never seen before. Each of us was assigned a meeting leaves. What I noticed was a couple of quotes that stood in the meeting sheet: "There is no such thing as 'can not' "as well as "Should something be done as it should be done properly. "

Frederick was a practical man and an incurable optimist. It was clear when the various speakers in a personal way told about Frederick. An older man told funny anecdotes about his antics with Fredrik. Both were northerners so it was good to hear earthy northern and stories about fishing trips. On a fishing trip as Frederick had a hand in plaster, yet he took in and rowed to the plaster came off. They both get to Tarnaby to Frederick would get new plaster and the older brother put it, all in Tarnaby from the janitor up to the doctor GIPSA. All the five children of Frederick was also up there and talked about her dear father. They talked about his scarred hands that is used extensively when he had worked as a carpenter, they talked about his stubbornness, his boldness to share the gospel and his eternal optimism - his ability to "think outside the box.

It was a meeting full of memories, smiles and a strong faith. Frederick was now with his parents his daughter who died of sudden infant death and her granddaughter who died in the ninth month. There is no sadness, just missing, but also a great joy that Frederick had met his savior Jesus Christ and that he had a good life.

When the speeches were over and all the great hymns - Yes, I must not forget that our bishop Fabrice played guitar and sang Frank Sinatra's "My Way"At the funeral. The song was Frederick's special wishes - then gathered the immediate family in front of the coffin and held each other. Then we all go to the coffin to say goodbye and lay our flowers on the coffin. It was a true light, what a joy and such a gratitude over the funeral. It felt like one big revival meeting where the speakers are not just talking personally about Fredrik, but also testified about God and Jesus Christ and how close we live our deceased. They are with us, on the other side of the veil. The hymns were sung Where Thee Every Hour, Only one day in moments and Great Thou Art. It was a powerful encounter with the Spirit's presence and I am thankful that I got to be with.

After the funeral, wrote the eldest son in the family this on facebook:

Thanks for all the warmth and participation of this special day when we took leave of our beloved husband, father, relative and friend. We feel a regret, of course, but at the same time a great peace of mind knowing that Fredrik is where he should be now. He has certainly started the new major construction projects in our Father's loving kingdom and welcomes many cherished reunions! Thanks to many special year Dad and all the best - you will be missed!

The promoting the doubt and the dangerous doubt

 

P1000484

It is popular to doubt the Church. If we do not doubt that you are probably not sufficiently well-informed or have a childlike faith (read: naive). For me, doubt is not so strange. We all have our ups and down waves of life. But the question is if doubt itself is nothing edifying? Say you have a motorcycle in the yard. You're going to take a ride, but wonders if the bike is in running condition. You begin to doubt that you can get that coveted motorcycle tour. What are you doing? Sit down and begin to philosophize about what might be wrong with the motorcycle? Maybe start up a closed Facebook group and draws up a number of siblings doubters to confirm your tvivlarbehov? Nah, probably not. You go up to the motorcycle and try to start it. Maybe get off the motorcycle and go test it. Perhaps you check the oil, or anything technical. Or?

So here it is with faith too.

We can intellectualize, we can ponder, we can discuss with equally intelligent insightful fellows who also doubt to confirm our ego, sorry, to confirm that we are part of a larger community, I mean ...
But faith is in fact an act. The belief is that your motorcycle. You have to test and see if it works.

Some time ago, I was invited to one of those closed Facebook group for the doubters. I think the one who invited me my thought that maybe I was intellectual enough to fit into. Yes, of course you have to have the critical thinking, right? Out of curiosity and to get any ideas to spice up this blog so I went with. To make a long story short, I was eventually expelled from the group. The problem? I doubted not enough. Putting aside all publicly whining of parents, relatives, church members, church leaders, etc. so was criticism of the church's polygamy high on the list. Quite nonchalantly, I put a comment that I personally did not experience any problems with polygamy. Honestly. Imagine being the two women who tell fellow locomotives to take care of the dishes. No, quite so irreverently expressed myself not on their blog, but I wanted to point out that the problem was typical of the time and local art. In Africa, the Church has problems with members of the Church would ordain polygamy again.

There I could learn from this group was to irrelevant things were raised that do not really have the truth of the Gospel to make, for example, personal conflicts, and that the group was not a neutral tvivlargrupp. Is a group of neutral, all voices be heard, but this was not the case in this group. A brother in my congregation who is a professor (I think) taught me the concept of "bubblefiering". They live in their own little imagination it as a facebook group and can not accept other points of view. Something that I end up not doubted in terms of this facebook group was that it was really about an exit group. To doubt is something we should welcome and not repress, man, there is doubt dangerous. There is the example of different groups where the goal is not that you should be able to come to believe again, but that you should leave the faith completely. There was no tvivlargrupp that I was thrown out of, it was a clean exit group. The famous name of the group that Hans Mattsson and John Dehlin was the group did not think I doubted less on the matter.

When I was in the temple later, I had the privilege to talk with one of the temple workers there. She told me that in her youth had gone on a mission to Utah. There she met many women from polygamous communities. At one point, as she found the writings of the Church University where some leaders in the early 1800 speech expressed that it was good for men to take on young, attractive women. This information led her to really start to doubt and thought to yourself "what am I doing here?" She was on a mission and no longer believed. But, as told this tempeltjänaren she realized that there was only one source she could turn to for knowledge. She went to God in prayer and asked him. It is nevertheless true that it is only God who knows the answer.

Doubts have existed in all times. The disciples doubted Jesus Christ, despite all the miracles they witnessed. Jesus Christ himself perhaps in a weak moment doubted his own mission when he exclaimed, "My God, my God. Why have you forsaken me? "So I'm the last to doubt the doubt, but I encourage everyone to try God. You can test your motorcycle, then I can go down on your knees and ask God. My personal experience is that I build up my faith by living right. I follow all the commandments? I read the scriptures and ponder them? Do I pray regularly? Can I show gratitude? I realize that I can never understand everything because I'm an imperfect person?

"What do we do with our motorcycle?" Yes, because it should not Paja so I guess you have to maintain it in any way. We maintain our faith or we are just our doubts? Sometimes we must simply take the position and work from this standpoint. Before I joined the Church, so I doubted very much. I was neither hot nor cold and did not take a position. It was a special event that made me suddenly had the realization that I had to decide. Once I decided I would let baptize me. But that's not all. I must also follow Christ and his commandments. Sometimes really know how I have tested the faith. When I got divorced and was alone with four children so tithe a great challenge. I remember how depressed I felt when I connected with my divorce was reading a newspaper article about poor economic ensamtående mothers had it. When I read this, my courage sank and I thought that most single moms maybe had two children, not four children and they did not pay tithes. But I decided to try the Lord. I continued each month to pay my tithing of my gross salary. Of course, I have not had the fat, but I have several times witnessed how my faith strengthened by all the blessings that I have received since I have chosen to follow my faith.

What does the Bible say about the doubts? Yes, there is such a website that brings out all the scriptures where it is taken up. I have selected some of these scriptures to show what attitude we should have and which way we can go.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. (Word 3: 5)

If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives to all liberally and without criticizing, and he should get. 6But he must ask in faith, nothing wavering. Anyone who doubts is like a wave of the sea driven and tossed by the wind. 7Such a man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; 8fragmented as the man, unstable in all his ways. (James 1: 5-8)

But he said to them: "Why are you so worried? Why is it up doubt in your hearts? Luke 24: 38

Jesus answered them, "I tell you the truth: If you have faith and do not doubt, you can do not only what the fig tree. You'll even be able to say to this mountain, lift up and cast into the sea, and it will happen. (Matthew 21: 21)

Against those who doubt should you be merciful (Jude 1: 22)

Source: 46 Bible verses about doubt.