Category Archives: Psychology

Shame

shame

When I was growing up, I often felt shame. My mother was mentally ill and there was nothing you at all talking about. I carefully avoided anything that could reveal my mother's illness. It was an upbringing in shame and denial. I also felt a great debt. It felt somehow as if everything was my fault and that it was my responsibility to set things right.

In school, it could whispers of alcoholism. "Stina moved away from home. She could not stand their parents. Her father drank. "I remember that I felt envious of people who Stina. It had been so easy to just say that your parents drank. But no. Mental illness in itself was talk never about. Yes, of course. I actually had a classmate in high school, Frederick was his name. He told me that his parents were divorced because his mother was mentally ill. Only now in high school, he had been told that he not only had a sister, but two other siblings that no one had told me about. Frederick's father had not been able to take care of four children, but the two youngest, he had left off and never told any of Fredrik and his older sister. I felt terribly sorry for Frederick and also felt an affinity. It was not the only one in the entire universe who had a mentally ill parent.

My mother's mental illness made it among others in the fact that she could not clean up, but instead gathered and accumulated. She was not able to throw anything. When other friends took their buddies so I went alone. I could never bring home someone and I had nobody to talk to. When I was maybe twelve years old then expressed my mother very hard and clear to me that if I divulged a single word about how it looked in our home so I would be utkört. I remember the fear I felt. Where would I go? I had nowhere to take my refuge and I had no one at all to talk to.

My siblings were much older than me and them, I could not talk to. Everything was somehow under the lid. In stealth, I tried to clean up as much as I could. One summer I emptied my nephew and my parents' basement in secret. It was basically just rubbish we sorted out and threw the container. Unfortunately, it did not take long, it was just as much junk in the basement again.

When I moved away from home to 19 years old, it was such an incredible relief that I could finally stay somewhere where I could keep in order. I enjoyed being able to win friends and I made a decision to not feel guilty that I was no longer at home and cleaned my parents. Eventually I realized that I actually could do nothing. I freed myself from a lot of the responsibility that I put on myself to be responsible for my parents' lives.

There is an expression in Sweden that I really hate, and it is the expression; "It's a sin and a shame." It is so incredibly easy to confuse these two concepts. Taste these words himself: SHAME - SHAME.

When I became a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints as I learned about sin. What is a shame really? According to our theology is a pity that of their own free will choose to disobey God's commandments or not to act righteously despite knowing the truth. James 4: 17 says:

 

He who thus knoweth to do good and doeth it not, he sins.

 

Sin is thus only about one thing; not following the will of God / the good that we know what is right or wrong. Sin is not about what other people do, it's not about making mistakes, though it was not intentional and it is definitely not about shame.

In our church, we have a wonderful theological doctrine that shields us from shame. Unlike all other Christian churches we believe is not for the original sin. Original Sin means that someone else has done wrong and we others can carry the sin and shame. How unfair is not it.

When I read the literature I'll take some of the thoughts of the förkättade original sin as completely poison the people's self-perception. You can find it in Baudelaire The Fleurs du malas well as Hawthorne's The Scarlet Letter. We are born as sinners, we inherit the sins of others ... How false is this doctrine! The truth is that we are born quite new and clean without sin and we do not inherit the sins of others.

Most recently I read Jean Paul Sartre's play The flies that just about guilt and freedom of action. Sartre was one of the 1900's greatest existentialists and he stressed that we as humans were free. We are, if condemned to freedom. It means that we do not inherit someone's sin, and it also means that we must take personal responsibility for our decisions. Unfortunately, it seems that Sartre considers that the fact that people can take their fate in their own hands also means that people can feel the anxiety and guilt.

To have the gospel in their lives and really discover what the gospel means has for me meant that I can understand what sin is and I can distinguish between sin and guilt. I know I am innocent of my parents' behavior and I vices nor them for their way of life. Mental illness is in itself no sin.

The gospel has really meant a lot in my life and one of the things is that I have because of the gospel has come to realize that I can not take responsibility for other people's decisions and way of life, but is responsible for my own decisions and the way we live and I do not need to feel guilty, but can let God take care of my negative feelings. All I have to do is start afresh and learn to listen to the Holy Spirit's promptings.

Of course, all this is a process. When I was 28 years and met my current husband, I felt a great shame to tell him about my parents, how my mother was and how it looked in my childhood home. It is only in his forties that I have come so far in my development that I no longer feel shame, but can distinguish between my life and my parents' lives and tell you about my upbringing.

The promoting the doubt and the dangerous doubt

 

P1000484

It is popular to doubt the Church. If we do not doubt that you are probably not sufficiently well-informed or have a childlike faith (read: naive). For me, doubt is not so strange. We all have our ups and down waves of life. But the question is if doubt itself is nothing edifying? Say you have a motorcycle in the yard. You're going to take a ride, but wonders if the bike is in running condition. You begin to doubt that you can get that coveted motorcycle tour. What are you doing? Sit down and begin to philosophize about what might be wrong with the motorcycle? Maybe start up a closed Facebook group and draws up a number of siblings doubters to confirm your tvivlarbehov? Nah, probably not. You go up to the motorcycle and try to start it. Maybe get off the motorcycle and go test it. Perhaps you check the oil, or anything technical. Or?

So here it is with faith too.

We can intellectualize, we can ponder, we can discuss with equally intelligent insightful fellows who also doubt to confirm our ego, sorry, to confirm that we are part of a larger community, I mean ...
But faith is in fact an act. The belief is that your motorcycle. You have to test and see if it works.

Some time ago, I was invited to one of those closed Facebook group for the doubters. I think the one who invited me my thought that maybe I was intellectual enough to fit into. Yes, of course you have to have the critical thinking, right? Out of curiosity and to get any ideas to spice up this blog so I went with. To make a long story short, I was eventually expelled from the group. The problem? I doubted not enough. Putting aside all publicly whining of parents, relatives, church members, church leaders, etc. so was criticism of the church's polygamy high on the list. Quite nonchalantly, I put a comment that I personally did not experience any problems with polygamy. Honestly. Imagine being the two women who tell fellow locomotives to take care of the dishes. No, quite so irreverently expressed myself not on their blog, but I wanted to point out that the problem was typical of the time and local art. In Africa, the Church has problems with members of the Church would ordain polygamy again.

There I could learn from this group was to irrelevant things were raised that do not really have the truth of the Gospel to make, for example, personal conflicts, and that the group was not a neutral tvivlargrupp. Is a group of neutral, all voices be heard, but this was not the case in this group. A brother in my congregation who is a professor (I think) taught me the concept of "bubblefiering". They live in their own little imagination it as a facebook group and can not accept other points of view. Something that I end up not doubted in terms of this facebook group was that it was really about an exit group. To doubt is something we should welcome and not repress, man, there is doubt dangerous. There is the example of different groups where the goal is not that you should be able to come to believe again, but that you should leave the faith completely. There was no tvivlargrupp that I was thrown out of, it was a clean exit group. The famous name of the group that Hans Mattsson and John Dehlin was the group did not think I doubted less on the matter.

When I was in the temple later, I had the privilege to talk with one of the temple workers there. She told me that in her youth had gone on a mission to Utah. There she met many women from polygamous communities. At one point, as she found the writings of the Church University where some leaders in the early 1800 speech expressed that it was good for men to take on young, attractive women. This information led her to really start to doubt and thought to yourself "what am I doing here?" She was on a mission and no longer believed. But, as told this tempeltjänaren she realized that there was only one source she could turn to for knowledge. She went to God in prayer and asked him. It is nevertheless true that it is only God who knows the answer.

Doubts have existed in all times. The disciples doubted Jesus Christ, despite all the miracles they witnessed. Jesus Christ himself perhaps in a weak moment doubted his own mission when he exclaimed, "My God, my God. Why have you forsaken me? "So I'm the last to doubt the doubt, but I encourage everyone to try God. You can test your motorcycle, then I can go down on your knees and ask God. My personal experience is that I build up my faith by living right. I follow all the commandments? I read the scriptures and ponder them? Do I pray regularly? Can I show gratitude? I realize that I can never understand everything because I'm an imperfect person?

"What do we do with our motorcycle?" Yes, because it should not Paja so I guess you have to maintain it in any way. We maintain our faith or we are just our doubts? Sometimes we must simply take the position and work from this standpoint. Before I joined the Church, so I doubted very much. I was neither hot nor cold and did not take a position. It was a special event that made me suddenly had the realization that I had to decide. Once I decided I would let baptize me. But that's not all. I must also follow Christ and his commandments. Sometimes really know how I have tested the faith. When I got divorced and was alone with four children so tithe a great challenge. I remember how depressed I felt when I connected with my divorce was reading a newspaper article about poor economic ensamtående mothers had it. When I read this, my courage sank and I thought that most single moms maybe had two children, not four children and they did not pay tithes. But I decided to try the Lord. I continued each month to pay my tithing of my gross salary. Of course, I have not had the fat, but I have several times witnessed how my faith strengthened by all the blessings that I have received since I have chosen to follow my faith.

What does the Bible say about the doubts? Yes, there is such a website that brings out all the scriptures where it is taken up. I have selected some of these scriptures to show what attitude we should have and which way we can go.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. (Word 3: 5)

If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives to all liberally and without criticizing, and he should get. 6But he must ask in faith, nothing wavering. Anyone who doubts is like a wave of the sea driven and tossed by the wind. 7Such a man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; 8fragmented as the man, unstable in all his ways. (James 1: 5-8)

But he said to them: "Why are you so worried? Why is it up doubt in your hearts? Luke 24: 38

Jesus answered them, "I tell you the truth: If you have faith and do not doubt, you can do not only what the fig tree. You'll even be able to say to this mountain, lift up and cast into the sea, and it will happen. (Matthew 21: 21)

Against those who doubt should you be merciful (Jude 1: 22)

Source: 46 Bible verses about doubt.

No, I'm not Charlie

crown of thorns

Freedom of expression is something precious that we must protect our society. We must have the right to express our views. It is a prerequisite for a democratic society. But freedom of expression is something that can also be abused. One of the things that Jesus Christ went through, which was part of his suffering before he underwent a painful death was that he was mocked. The mockery was both verbally and physically. Jesus was mocked because he recognized that he was the king of the Jews and had a crown of thorns pressed down on his head and a cloak laid on their shoulders. How should we as Christians behave towards our fellow human beings? Yes, not Jesus critics made in each case.
Yes, though I give my body to be burned, and have not charity, this would be me nothing. (1 Cows 13: 3)

To express their opinion, freedom of expression, but to mock, ie shape, is not freedom of expression. We should show respect for our fellow man, which does not mean that we necessarily agree with them in their opinions or beliefs. As members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we know that we are to live in such a way that we have the Holy Spirit's presence. Paul expresses in praise of love that it does not matter what we do, if we do not do it in love.

Sometimes that bothered my two boys together. One of them can run crying to me and complain about how he has been kicked and beaten by her brother. Such terrorism is not accepted in our family, but at the same time, I ask, of course, why the former brother struck the other. The answer is many times that the kinds and kicks come in response to a verbal provocation. Provocation does not give the right to retaliate, but provocation in itself is not right. As a mother rebukes I both my boys. Both have acted wrongly. Then of course there is no excuse for terrorism, but that there is any right to legitimize mockery.

In Sweden, you have the right to think and say almost anything you want. You have the right to express yourself on the radio, on television and on the web. The Freedom of Expression states of these rights. There is also what not to do, such as slander or insult another person. (Source: riksdagen.se )

Yes, what you say about the above quotes? Well, those who advocate the right to violate believe that they violate Muhammad - who is dead. But if Muhammad is dead, how can he be offended? Of course, is not directed against the mockery of a dead person can not be violated without the ridicule aimed at the target group that feels offended; those who believe that Muhammad was God's true profet.Frågor that these are not simple and I notice in various forums that the views on free speech differ between members of the Church. All do not look at it as I do. We are members of the church and go to the temple, however, include covenants which among other things means that we must not mock second people.Although I can to some extent feel fragmented in terms of, for example, satire artwork. My uncle took several years Gothenburg Trade and Sjöfartstidning. The magazine was known among other things for its satire drawings of Nazism in 1930 century. Using various means to combat xenophobia and racism does not feel foreign to me, but to mock people's religion is simply reprehensible. He who is without sin may cast the first stone.https://www.lds.org/new-era/1974/08/a-serious-look-at-humor?lang=eng

Suicide deprives you the opportunity to get everything to get better

suicide Certainly, this picture is good and important? "Suicide does not remove the fact that life could be worse. Suicide removes the possibility of ever getting life to get better. "

I got this image as a fb status some time ago, and today I got another link to a chat site for anyone who is considering suicide. How important it is that we share this information, for who knows who feels bad right now?

https://mind.se/chatta/

A while ago, I commented on a closed website for relatives of people with Asperger's syndrome as well as those who themselves have been diagnosed. One of my children have aspergers so therefore I am a member of the group. A young guy expressing how bad he was feeling and I actually wrote a comment that he was important and that he himself must change attitude to himself. Sometimes it is enough to realize that they must change their approach, many will help a belief in God and that there is a meaning to life, but for some it is more serious and requires psychiatric help. I myself am deeply grateful that I have learned through my church that we have free will in our lives and that we must change our attitude if it is destructive. Above all, I am grateful for my faith and for the purpose and love that it gives me. It's so boring in Swedish society, we have all the material in abundance, we have security, education and health care. But we do not take some of the water that never runs dry that does not make us thirsty again. Only Christ can give us that. I am also grateful to be a member of a church where mental illness is not shameful coated and ignored, but taken seriously. We are recommended not only spiritual support, we are also encouraged to seek professional help.