Category Archives: Psychology

Shame

shame

When I was growing up, I often felt shame. My mother was mentally ill and there was nothing you at all talking about. I carefully avoided anything that could reveal my mother's illness. It was an upbringing in shame and denial. I also felt a great debt. It felt somehow as if everything was my fault and that it was my responsibility to set things right.

At school, alcoholism could be wisdom. "Stina moved away from home. She did not stand out with her parents. Her father dropped. "I remember feeling fond of jealousy like Stina. It would have been so easy to just say that even parents were kidding. But no. Mental illness itself was never talked about. Yes, of course. I actually had a classmate in high school, Fredrik was his name. He told me that his parents were divorced because his mother was mentally ill. Only now at high school he had been told that he had not only a sister, but two more siblings whom no one had told. Fredrik's father had not been able to take care of all four children, without the two youngest he had left away and never told anything about Fredrik and his big sister. I felt terribly sorry for Fredrik and also felt a cohabitation. It was not only me in the whole universe who had a mentally ill parent.

My mother's mental illness made it among others in the fact that she could not clean up, but instead gathered and accumulated. She was not able to throw anything. When other friends took their buddies so I went alone. I could never bring home someone and I had nobody to talk to. When I was maybe twelve years old then expressed my mother very hard and clear to me that if I divulged a single word about how it looked in our home so I would be utkört. I remember the fear I felt. Where would I go? I had nowhere to take my refuge and I had no one at all to talk to.

My siblings were much older than me and them, I could not talk to. Everything was somehow under the lid. In stealth, I tried to clean up as much as I could. One summer I emptied my nephew and my parents' basement in secret. It was basically just rubbish we sorted out and threw the container. Unfortunately, it did not take long, it was just as much junk in the basement again.

When I moved away from home to 19 years old, it was such an incredible relief that I could finally stay somewhere where I could keep in order. I enjoyed being able to win friends and I made a decision to not feel guilty that I was no longer at home and cleaned my parents. Eventually I realized that I actually could do nothing. I freed myself from a lot of the responsibility that I put on myself to be responsible for my parents' lives.

There is an expression in Sweden that I really deny and that's the expression; "It's both pity and shame." It is so incredibly easy to blend these two concepts together. Taste these words yourself: SYND - SKAM.

When I became a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints as I learned about sin. What is a shame really? According to our theology is a pity that of their own free will choose to disobey God's commandments or not to act righteously despite knowing the truth. James 4: 17 says:

He who thus knoweth to do good and doeth it not, he sins.

Sin is thus only about one thing; not following the will of God / the good that we know what is right or wrong. Sin is not about what other people do, it's not about making mistakes, though it was not intentional and it is definitely not about shame.

In our church, we have a wonderful theological doctrine that shields us from shame. Unlike all other Christian churches we believe is not for the original sin. Original Sin means that someone else has done wrong and we others can carry the sin and shame. How unfair is not it.

When I read the literature I'll take some of the thoughts of the förkättade original sin as completely poison the people's self-perception. You can find it in Baudelaire The Fleurs du mal as well as in Hawthornes The Scarlet Letter. We are born as sinners, we inherit the sins of others ... How false is not this doctrine! The truth is that we are born completely new and pure without sin and we do not inherit the sins of others.

Most recently I read Jean Paul Sartre's play The flies that just about guilt and freedom of action. Sartre was one of the 1900's greatest existentialists and he stressed that we as humans were free. We are, if condemned to freedom. It means that we do not inherit someone's sin, and it also means that we must take personal responsibility for our decisions. Unfortunately, it seems that Sartre considers that the fact that people can take their fate in their own hands also means that people can feel the anxiety and guilt.

Having the gospel in his life and truly discovering what the gospel means has led me to understand what sin is and I can distinguish between sin and guilt. I know I'm innocent of my parents' behavior, and I do not even charge them for their way of living. Mental illness is no sin in itself.

The gospel has really meant a lot in my life and one of the things is that I have because of the gospel has come to realize that I can not take responsibility for other people's decisions and way of life, but is responsible for my own decisions and the way we live and I do not need to feel guilty, but can let God take care of my negative feelings. All I have to do is start afresh and learn to listen to the Holy Spirit's promptings.

Of course, all this is a process. When I was 28 years and met my current husband, I felt a great shame to tell him about my parents, how my mother was and how it looked in my childhood home. It is only in his forties that I have come so far in my development that I no longer feel shame, but can distinguish between my life and my parents' lives and tell you about my upbringing.

The promoting the doubt and the dangerous doubt

P1000484

It is popular to doubt the Church. If we do not doubt that you are probably not sufficiently well-informed or have a childlike faith (read: naive). For me, doubt is not so strange. We all have our ups and down waves of life. But the question is if doubt itself is nothing edifying? Say you have a motorcycle in the yard. You're going to take a ride, but wonders if the bike is in running condition. You begin to doubt that you can get that coveted motorcycle tour. What are you doing? Sit down and begin to philosophize about what might be wrong with the motorcycle? Maybe start up a closed Facebook group and draws up a number of siblings doubters to confirm your tvivlarbehov? Nah, probably not. You go up to the motorcycle and try to start it. Maybe get off the motorcycle and go test it. Perhaps you check the oil, or anything technical. Or?

So here it is with faith too.

We can intellectualize, we can mess, we can discuss with equally intelligent insightful people who also doubt to confirm our ego, sorry, to confirm that we are part of a larger community, I mean ...
But faith is in fact an act. The belief is that your motorcycle. You have to test and see if it works.

Recently, I was invited to a closed-ended facebook group for doubts. I think the one who invited me thought that maybe I was intellectually enough to fit in. Yes, of course, you must have critical thinking, right? Of pure curiosity and to get any spreads to spice this blog, I went with. To make a long story short, I finally became excluded from the group. The problem? I did not doubt enough. If you ignore all the general gnash over parents, relatives, members of the congregation, Church leaders, etc., criticism of Church polygamy was high on the list. Absolutely hesitant I commented that I personally did not experience any problems with polygamy. Honestly. Imagine being TWO women who say the man's cheek to take care of the counter. No, I really did not express them on their blog, but I would still like to point out that the problem was of a typical and local nature. In Africa, the church has a problem that members of the church want to invite polygamy again.

There I could learn from this group was to irrelevant things were raised that do not really have the truth of the Gospel to make, for example, personal conflicts, and that the group was not a neutral tvivlargrupp. Is a group of neutral, all voices be heard, but this was not the case in this group. A brother in my congregation who is a professor (I think) taught me the concept of "bubblefiering". They live in their own little imagination it as a facebook group and can not accept other points of view. Something that I end up not doubted in terms of this facebook group was that it was really about an exit group. To doubt is something we should welcome and not repress, man, there is doubt dangerous. There is the example of different groups where the goal is not that you should be able to come to believe again, but that you should leave the faith completely. There was no tvivlargrupp that I was thrown out of, it was a clean exit group. The famous name of the group that Hans Mattsson and John Dehlin was the group did not think I doubted less on the matter.

When I was in the temple last time I had the privilege of having a conversation with one of the temple servants there. She told her that she had been on mission to Utah in her youth. There she met on many women from polygamous communities. At one point, she found writings at the University of the Church where any leader at the early 1800 speech stated that it was good for men to attract young attractive women. This information prompted her to really doubt and she thought to herself, "What am I doing here?" She was on mission and no longer believed. However, this temple servant told her that she realized that there was only one source she could turn to in order to gain knowledge. She prayed to God and asked him. Yet, it is only God who knows the answer.

Doubt has existed in all ages. The disciples doubted Jesus Christ, despite all the miracles they witnessed. Jesus Christ himself perhaps in a faint moment doubted his own mission when he proclaimed "My God, my God." Why have you abandoned me? "So I'm the last to doubt doubt, but I urge everyone to try God. Can you test your motorcycle, then you can kneel down and ask God. My personal experience is also that I build my faith by living right. Do I follow all the bids? Do I read the scriptures and justify them? Do I ask regularly? Can I show gratitude? Can I realize I can never understand because I'm an imperfect human being?

"What do we do with our motorcycle?" Yes, because it's not going to bother, I suppose you have to entertain it in some way. Do we maintain our faith or do we only maintain our doubts? Sometimes we must simply take a stand and work based on that position. Before I became a member of the Church, I doubted much. I was neither hot nor cold and did not want to take a stand. It was a special event that made me suddenly realize that I had to decide. When I decided, I let myself baptize. But that's not enough. I must also follow Christ and His commandments. Sometimes I really feel how I've tried faith. When I divorced and stood alone with four children, the tenth was a big challenge. I remember how depressed I felt when, in connection with my divorce, I read a newspaper article about how poorly economically single mothers had it. When I read this, I fell down and I thought that most single mothers might have two children, not four children and they did not pay the tenth. But I decided to try the Lord. I continued to pay my tenth every month on my gross salary. Of course I have not had that fat, but I have witnessed several times how my faith was enhanced by all the blessings I have received when I have chosen to follow my faith.

What does the Bible say about the doubts? Yes, there is such a website that brings out all the scriptures where it is taken up. I have selected some of these scriptures to show what attitude we should have and which way we can go.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. (Word 3: 5)

If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives to all liberally and without criticizing, and he should get. 6 But he will pray in faith without doubting. The one who doubts resembles the wave of the sea driven and whipped by the wind. 7 Such a person should not think that she can receive anything from the Lord, 8 split as she is and unstable on all her ways. (Jak 1: 5-8)

But he said to them: "Why are you so worried? Why is it up doubt in your hearts? Luke 24: 38

Jesus answered them, "I tell you the truth: If you have faith and do not doubt, you can do not only what the fig tree. You'll even be able to say to this mountain, lift up and cast into the sea, and it will happen. (Matthew 21: 21)

Against those who doubt you will be merciful (Jud 1: 22)

Source: 46 Bible verses about doubt.

No, I'm not Charlie

crown of thorns

Freedom of expression is something precious that we must protect our society. We must have the right to express our views. It is a prerequisite for a democratic society. But freedom of expression is something that can also be abused. One of the things that Jesus Christ went through, which was part of his suffering before he underwent a painful death was that he was mocked. The mockery was both verbally and physically. Jesus was mocked because he recognized that he was the king of the Jews and had a crown of thorns pressed down on his head and a cloak laid on their shoulders. How should we as Christians behave towards our fellow human beings? Yes, not Jesus critics made in each case.
Yes, though I give my body to be burned, and have not charity, this would be me nothing. (1 Cows 13: 3)

To express their opinion, freedom of expression, but to mock, ie shape, is not freedom of expression. We should show respect for our fellow man, which does not mean that we necessarily agree with them in their opinions or beliefs. As members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we know that we are to live in such a way that we have the Holy Spirit's presence. Paul expresses in praise of love that it does not matter what we do, if we do not do it in love.

Sometimes that bothered my two boys together. One of them can run crying to me and complain about how he has been kicked and beaten by her brother. Such terrorism is not accepted in our family, but at the same time, I ask, of course, why the former brother struck the other. The answer is many times that the kinds and kicks come in response to a verbal provocation. Provocation does not give the right to retaliate, but provocation in itself is not right. As a mother rebukes I both my boys. Both have acted wrongly. Then of course there is no excuse for terrorism, but that there is any right to legitimize mockery.

In Sweden, you have the right to think and say almost anything you want. You have the right to express yourself on the radio, on television and on the web. The Freedom of Expression states of these rights. There is also what not to do, such as slander or insult another person. (Source: riksdagen.se )

Yes, what you say about the above quotes? Well, those who advocate the right to violate believe that they violate Muhammad - who is dead. But if Muhammad is dead, how can he be offended? Of course, is not directed against the mockery of a dead person can not be violated without the ridicule aimed at the target group that feels offended; those who believe that Muhammad was God's true profet.Frågor that these are not simple and I notice in various forums that the views on free speech differ between members of the Church. All do not look at it as I do. We are members of the church and go to the temple, however, include covenants which among other things means that we must not mock second people.Although I can to some extent feel fragmented in terms of, for example, satire artwork. My uncle took several years Gothenburg Trade and Sjöfartstidning. The magazine was known among other things for its satire drawings of Nazism in 1930 century. Using various means to combat xenophobia and racism does not feel foreign to me, but to mock people's religion is simply reprehensible. He who is without sin may cast the first stone.https://www.lds.org/new-era/1974/08/a-serious-look-at-humor?lang=eng

Suicide deprives you the opportunity to get everything to get better

suicide Certainly, this picture is good and important? "Suicide does not remove the fact that life could be worse. Suicide removes the possibility of ever getting life to get better. "

I got this image as a fb status some time ago, and today I got another link to a chat site for anyone who is considering suicide. How important it is that we share this information, for who knows who feels bad right now?

https://mind.se/chatta/

A while ago, I commented on a closed website for relatives of people with Asperger's syndrome as well as those who themselves have been diagnosed. One of my children have aspergers so therefore I am a member of the group. A young guy expressing how bad he was feeling and I actually wrote a comment that he was important and that he himself must change attitude to himself. Sometimes it is enough to realize that they must change their approach, many will help a belief in God and that there is a meaning to life, but for some it is more serious and requires psychiatric help. I myself am deeply grateful that I have learned through my church that we have free will in our lives and that we must change our attitude if it is destructive. Above all, I am grateful for my faith and for the purpose and love that it gives me. It's so boring in Swedish society, we have all the material in abundance, we have security, education and health care. But we do not take some of the water that never runs dry that does not make us thirsty again. Only Christ can give us that. I am also grateful to be a member of a church where mental illness is not shameful coated and ignored, but taken seriously. We are recommended not only spiritual support, we are also encouraged to seek professional help.