Category Archives: Tough Love

Shame

shame

When I was growing up, I often felt shame. My mother was mentally ill and there was nothing you at all talking about. I carefully avoided anything that could reveal my mother's illness. It was an upbringing in shame and denial. I also felt a great debt. It felt somehow as if everything was my fault and that it was my responsibility to set things right.

In school, it could whispers of alcoholism. "Stina moved away from home. She could not stand their parents. Her father drank. "I remember that I felt envious of people who Stina. It had been so easy to just say that your parents drank. But no. Mental illness in itself was talk never about. Yes, of course. I actually had a classmate in high school, Frederick was his name. He told me that his parents were divorced because his mother was mentally ill. Only now in high school, he had been told that he not only had a sister, but two other siblings that no one had told me about. Frederick's father had not been able to take care of four children, but the two youngest, he had left off and never told any of Fredrik and his older sister. I felt terribly sorry for Frederick and also felt an affinity. It was not the only one in the entire universe who had a mentally ill parent.

My mother's mental illness made it among others in the fact that she could not clean up, but instead gathered and accumulated. She was not able to throw anything. When other friends took their buddies so I went alone. I could never bring home someone and I had nobody to talk to. When I was maybe twelve years old then expressed my mother very hard and clear to me that if I divulged a single word about how it looked in our home so I would be utkört. I remember the fear I felt. Where would I go? I had nowhere to take my refuge and I had no one at all to talk to.

My siblings were much older than me and them, I could not talk to. Everything was somehow under the lid. In stealth, I tried to clean up as much as I could. One summer I emptied my nephew and my parents' basement in secret. It was basically just rubbish we sorted out and threw the container. Unfortunately, it did not take long, it was just as much junk in the basement again.

When I moved away from home to 19 years old, it was such an incredible relief that I could finally stay somewhere where I could keep in order. I enjoyed being able to win friends and I made a decision to not feel guilty that I was no longer at home and cleaned my parents. Eventually I realized that I actually could do nothing. I freed myself from a lot of the responsibility that I put on myself to be responsible for my parents' lives.

There is an expression in Sweden that I really hate, and it is the expression; "It's a sin and a shame." It is so incredibly easy to confuse these two concepts. Taste these words himself: SHAME - SHAME.

When I became a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints as I learned about sin. What is a shame really? According to our theology is a pity that of their own free will choose to disobey God's commandments or not to act righteously despite knowing the truth. James 4: 17 says:

 

He who thus knoweth to do good and doeth it not, he sins.

 

Sin is thus only about one thing; not following the will of God / the good that we know what is right or wrong. Sin is not about what other people do, it's not about making mistakes, though it was not intentional and it is definitely not about shame.

In our church, we have a wonderful theological doctrine that shields us from shame. Unlike all other Christian churches we believe is not for the original sin. Original Sin means that someone else has done wrong and we others can carry the sin and shame. How unfair is not it.

When I read the literature I'll take some of the thoughts of the förkättade original sin as completely poison the people's self-perception. You can find it in Baudelaire The Fleurs du malas well as Hawthorne's The Scarlet Letter. We are born as sinners, we inherit the sins of others ... How false is this doctrine! The truth is that we are born quite new and clean without sin and we do not inherit the sins of others.

Most recently I read Jean Paul Sartre's play The flies that just about guilt and freedom of action. Sartre was one of the 1900's greatest existentialists and he stressed that we as humans were free. We are, if condemned to freedom. It means that we do not inherit someone's sin, and it also means that we must take personal responsibility for our decisions. Unfortunately, it seems that Sartre considers that the fact that people can take their fate in their own hands also means that people can feel the anxiety and guilt.

To have the gospel in their lives and really discover what the gospel means has for me meant that I can understand what sin is and I can distinguish between sin and guilt. I know I am innocent of my parents' behavior and I vices nor them for their way of life. Mental illness is in itself no sin.

The gospel has really meant a lot in my life and one of the things is that I have because of the gospel has come to realize that I can not take responsibility for other people's decisions and way of life, but is responsible for my own decisions and the way we live and I do not need to feel guilty, but can let God take care of my negative feelings. All I have to do is start afresh and learn to listen to the Holy Spirit's promptings.

Of course, all this is a process. When I was 28 years and met my current husband, I felt a great shame to tell him about my parents, how my mother was and how it looked in my childhood home. It is only in his forties that I have come so far in my development that I no longer feel shame, but can distinguish between my life and my parents' lives and tell you about my upbringing.

A happy funeral

Fredrik

What do you think of when you hear the word funeral? My Swedish church experience is that it is a sad and final event. Grief, sadness and solemnity. My mother's funeral felt like a business association of humanists; no faith, no faith, nothing more than an impersonal priest who rattled off their lines and impersonal ritual mantra.

On Friday, so I attended a funeral of a dear brother in the church. He had for years suffered from Parkinson's disease and experienced the disease as a monster who had taken over his body. For his missing relatives were mixed with relief that his brother now had it good.

As I wrote in other blog posts, I love Mormon funerals. When I arrived at the chapel, I had with me three roses to lay on the coffin; one red, one white and one gammelrosagul. Although I do not actively spent time with family in private, I experienced Fredrik as a dear brother in the congregation.

The chapel was completely filled with people. I recognized a few people who are no longer active in the church, some people I had never seen before. Each of us was assigned a meeting leaves. What I noticed was a couple of quotes that stood in the meeting sheet: "There is no such thing as 'can not' "as well as "Should something be done as it should be done properly. "

Frederick was a practical man and an incurable optimist. It was clear when the various speakers in a personal way told about Frederick. An older man told funny anecdotes about his antics with Fredrik. Both were northerners so it was good to hear earthy northern and stories about fishing trips. On a fishing trip as Frederick had a hand in plaster, yet he took in and rowed to the plaster came off. They both get to Tarnaby to Frederick would get new plaster and the older brother put it, all in Tarnaby from the janitor up to the doctor GIPSA. All the five children of Frederick was also up there and talked about her dear father. They talked about his scarred hands that is used extensively when he had worked as a carpenter, they talked about his stubbornness, his boldness to share the gospel and his eternal optimism - his ability to "think outside the box."

It was a meeting full of memories, smiles and a strong faith. Frederick was now with his parents his daughter who died of sudden infant death and her granddaughter who died in the ninth month. There is no sadness, just missing, but also a great joy that Frederick had met his savior Jesus Christ and that he had a good life.

When the speeches were over and all the great hymns - Yes, I must not forget that our bishop Fabrice played guitar and sang Frank Sinatra's "My Way"At the funeral. The song was Frederick's special wishes - then gathered the immediate family in front of the coffin and held each other. Then we all go to the coffin to say goodbye and lay our flowers on the coffin. It was a true light, what a joy and such a gratitude over the funeral. It felt like one big revival meeting where the speakers are not just talking personally about Fredrik, but also testified about God and Jesus Christ and how close we live our deceased. They are with us, on the other side of the veil. The hymns were sung Where Thee Every Hour, Only one day in moments and Great Thou Art. It was a powerful encounter with the Spirit's presence and I am thankful that I got to be with.

After the funeral, wrote the eldest son in the family this on facebook:

Thanks for all the warmth and participation of this special day when we took leave of our beloved husband, father, relative and friend. We feel a regret, of course, but at the same time a great peace of mind knowing that Fredrik is where he should be now. He has certainly started the new major construction projects in our Father's loving kingdom and welcomes many cherished reunions! Thanks to many special year Dad and all the best - you will be missed!

The promoting the doubt and the dangerous doubt

 

P1000484

It is popular to doubt the Church. If we do not doubt that you are probably not sufficiently well-informed or have a childlike faith (read: naive). For me, doubt is not so strange. We all have our ups and down waves of life. But the question is if doubt itself is nothing edifying? Say you have a motorcycle in the yard. You're going to take a ride, but wonders if the bike is in running condition. You begin to doubt that you can get that coveted motorcycle tour. What are you doing? Sit down and begin to philosophize about what might be wrong with the motorcycle? Maybe start up a closed Facebook group and draws up a number of siblings doubters to confirm your tvivlarbehov? Nah, probably not. You go up to the motorcycle and try to start it. Maybe get off the motorcycle and go test it. Perhaps you check the oil, or anything technical. Or?

So here it is with faith too.

We can intellectualize, we can ponder, we can discuss with equally intelligent insightful fellows who also doubt to confirm our ego, sorry, to confirm that we are part of a larger community, I mean ...
But faith is in fact an act. The belief is that your motorcycle. You have to test and see if it works.

Some time ago, I was invited to one of those closed Facebook group for the doubters. I think the one who invited me my thought that maybe I was intellectual enough to fit into. Yes, of course you have to have the critical thinking, right? Out of curiosity and to get any ideas to spice up this blog so I went with. To make a long story short, I was eventually expelled from the group. The problem? I doubted not enough. Putting aside all publicly whining of parents, relatives, church members, church leaders, etc. so was criticism of the church's polygamy high on the list. Quite nonchalantly, I put a comment that I personally did not experience any problems with polygamy. Honestly. Imagine being the two women who tell fellow locomotives to take care of the dishes. No, quite so irreverently expressed myself not on their blog, but I wanted to point out that the problem was typical of the time and local art. In Africa, the Church has problems with members of the Church would ordain polygamy again.

There I could learn from this group was to irrelevant things were raised that do not really have the truth of the Gospel to make, for example, personal conflicts, and that the group was not a neutral tvivlargrupp. Is a group of neutral, all voices be heard, but this was not the case in this group. A brother in my congregation who is a professor (I think) taught me the concept of "bubblefiering". They live in their own little imagination it as a facebook group and can not accept other points of view. Something that I end up not doubted in terms of this facebook group was that it was really about an exit group. To doubt is something we should welcome and not repress, man, there is doubt dangerous. There is the example of different groups where the goal is not that you should be able to come to believe again, but that you should leave the faith completely. There was no tvivlargrupp that I was thrown out of, it was a clean exit group. The famous name of the group that Hans Mattsson and John Dehlin was the group did not think I doubted less on the matter.

When I was in the temple later, I had the privilege to talk with one of the temple workers there. She told me that in her youth had gone on a mission to Utah. There she met many women from polygamous communities. At one point, as she found the writings of the Church University where some leaders in the early 1800 speech expressed that it was good for men to take on young, attractive women. This information led her to really start to doubt and thought to yourself "what am I doing here?" She was on a mission and no longer believed. But, as told this tempeltjänaren she realized that there was only one source she could turn to for knowledge. She went to God in prayer and asked him. It is nevertheless true that it is only God who knows the answer.

Doubts have existed in all times. The disciples doubted Jesus Christ, despite all the miracles they witnessed. Jesus Christ himself perhaps in a weak moment doubted his own mission when he exclaimed, "My God, my God. Why have you forsaken me? "So I'm the last to doubt the doubt, but I encourage everyone to try God. You can test your motorcycle, then I can go down on your knees and ask God. My personal experience is that I build up my faith by living right. I follow all the commandments? I read the scriptures and ponder them? Do I pray regularly? Can I show gratitude? I realize that I can never understand everything because I'm an imperfect person?

"What do we do with our motorcycle?" Yes, because it should not Paja so I guess you have to maintain it in any way. We maintain our faith or we are just our doubts? Sometimes we must simply take the position and work from this standpoint. Before I joined the Church, so I doubted very much. I was neither hot nor cold and did not take a position. It was a special event that made me suddenly had the realization that I had to decide. Once I decided I would let baptize me. But that's not all. I must also follow Christ and his commandments. Sometimes really know how I have tested the faith. When I got divorced and was alone with four children so tithe a great challenge. I remember how depressed I felt when I connected with my divorce was reading a newspaper article about poor economic ensamtående mothers had it. When I read this, my courage sank and I thought that most single moms maybe had two children, not four children and they did not pay tithes. But I decided to try the Lord. I continued each month to pay my tithing of my gross salary. Of course, I have not had the fat, but I have several times witnessed how my faith strengthened by all the blessings that I have received since I have chosen to follow my faith.

What does the Bible say about the doubts? Yes, there is such a website that brings out all the scriptures where it is taken up. I have selected some of these scriptures to show what attitude we should have and which way we can go.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. (Word 3: 5)

If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives to all liberally and without criticizing, and he should get. 6But he must ask in faith, nothing wavering. Anyone who doubts is like a wave of the sea driven and tossed by the wind. 7Such a man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; 8fragmented as the man, unstable in all his ways. (James 1: 5-8)

But he said to them: "Why are you so worried? Why is it up doubt in your hearts? Luke 24: 38

Jesus answered them, "I tell you the truth: If you have faith and do not doubt, you can do not only what the fig tree. You'll even be able to say to this mountain, lift up and cast into the sea, and it will happen. (Matthew 21: 21)

Against those who doubt should you be merciful (Jude 1: 22)

Source: 46 Bible verses about doubt.

... And then there came a helicopter

helicopter

Some time ago when I was talking to my little daughter Eila so she told me a story.

- Mom, it was a man who had fallen in the water. He prayed to God to be saved. A boat came by and wanted to pick up the man, but the man replied that he would be saved by God. And then there came a helicopter. They celebrated down a ladder and wanted to save the man. But the man refused to be rescued saying that he would be saved by God. In the end, the man drowned and he met God. The man asked accusingly God why God had not come to save him. God answered:

-First So I sent a boat, but you did not want to be picked up and then I sent a helicopter, but you did not want my help then either.

When Eila had told his story, I wondered in my own mind if it was I who had originally told this to her because it is one of my favorite stories. I believe that God is with each of us every second and I think that God in very acts by other people. It may mean that we ask for something, thinking about something, need help with something, and then it pops up a fellow human being who answers even prayers, thoughts or what you need help with. The person providing your answers to prayers do not need to be a member of the same church as you, or even believers. It might as well be a Christer Sturmark. God works through all people.

Last Sunday, I met an elderly female member of the Church. She actually belongs Utby Assembly, but because we belonging Frölunda parish now goes Utby ward when our chapel renovated so it happens quite often that we Frolunda Members encounter Utbymedlemmar. I myself have sometimes gone to their meeting times and sometimes I see some little utbybo going on our meeting times.

Anyway, I went up to the older female member and regretted the grief when her ex-husband had recently passed away. We started talking about her divorce and how her life had become when she suddenly told me that she had long wanted to talk to me. I was a little surprised because really we do not know each other directly, but she is an older sister of the neighboring parish that I rarely someone once have encountered and exchanged a few words with. But she said she had known that she would go to me and say that I have to move on in life. I understood exactly what she meant by her words and felt awe at how God had just spoken to me through this sister.

Sometimes God also speaks to us through the scriptures. We, as members of the Church believe in personal revelation for our lives. Sometimes the revelation come when we read the scriptures. Just over a week ago, I was in the temple in Stockholm. In anticipation of a session, so I sat down in the temple's entrance vestibule, picked an outsourced Bible and began to read. Randomly I started reading in Luke. Then suddenly a scripture for me as I never have considered.

"Master! Tell my brother to divide the inheritance with me. " Jesus said to him, "Man, who made me the arbiter between you?"Then he said to them: "Make sure your guard against all kinds of greed for life is not about the abundance of possessions." (Luke 12: 13-15)

Since I am currently doing a probate and dread over it so it felt like a direct address from God.

When you are in the temple as you meet always interesting people you may never have met before, and probably never meet again. Some of the best conversations I have had during these meetings. In the recent past, I have pondered much on my relationship with my ex. man, one of my children Asperger diagnosis and my mother who was a so-called. collector. Especially now that you're up in succession over, I think a lot of the latter. Perhaps it was so that God knew I needed someone to just bounce my thoughts with the temple, I met a wonderful woman, we can call her "Karin", who was there as ordinance workers. It turned out that both she and I are divorced and we started talking relationships. The first Karin says that "it would have been so wonderful if we had met a man who could walk on older missionary with." I just felt "oh" and told just exactly as I have also thought. Otherwise, I think that both she and I have a good and active life.

When I came home from the temple so I sought Karin's fb friendship. It is not the first time I meet someone in the temple which I then become fb friends with. It was not long before it was a small request on fb from Karin if she could sleep over at my place in Gothenburg. She would be on the course outside Gothenburg and thought it would be expensive with the hotel. I wrote back on fb: "can you take cats?" I have three cats at home and it can cause problems for some. I was told that she had two cats and a dog.

So the night before last I met Karin at the train. We ate supper together and we were all in bed pretty late. In the morning I went out with her wherever she would go to meet other students as she could travel with. Yesterday when the course was over, so we träfades again and went out and ate before she would take the train back to Stockholm again. It always feels so nice to have an adult member of the Church in his home. We could keep prayer together and it was not just me at home that was adult. When we talked on so I was amazed how similar Karin and I was. Little tentative so I picked up that I thought it was a little awkward with my ex. Since I have put the welfare of children at the center, I have given him come to my home at Christmas dinner, Easter dinner, at dinner, in general, etc. In recent times, it feels as if exet more or less moved in with me and it feels so good. When I take it up with the kids so they do of course I'm really weird because it's their dad, I'm talking about. I can also get this little creeping feeling of "how do I explain this" if I someday would start dating again?

It turned out that Karin is just as weird. She also puts the needs of children in the center. Her children do not want to be with her dad so therefore, their dad home to them instead. He has even been the keys to their home. Just to be worse than me, told Karin that she t about has gone on vacation with his ex, kids and exets new wife. She explained to me that her ex. husband's new wife is from China so she is very tolerant of her husband's ex. wife always present.

Karin and I have a daughter with disabilities. Therefore, we started talking about it and it turned out that Karen's nephew also has aspergers. We started talking about disability in general and when told Karin about their relatives who are collectors. I then had not even told her that my mother was a collector. As I sat and talked to Karin, I was more and more amazed at how much we had in common. When choosing a restaurant so Karin Indian food as their favorite food like me, we reluctantly made off to the Three Indians, perhaps Gothenburg best Indian restaurant, but it turned out to be fully booked. Then I wondered if Karin liked vegetarian food. Self, I'm a vegetarian and the Church, we are invited to just eat a little meat, but it is a council that not all members embrace. It turned out, however, that Karin does not eat very much meat and that both her children are vegetarians. Then we reluctantly made on through Haga Sunflower restaurant and ate our dinner there instead. The sunflower is an old cult restaurant and perhaps the best vegetarian restaurant in town, apart from Govinda.

Today as I write this, I feel so strong experience of God's presence in my life. Things I pondered God through others and scriptures answered. Maybe I have not received an answer about what is right or wrong in detail, or a mapped out plan of action, but life feels suddenly much easier and I feel that whatever may be in my life, there is always God there and send a boat or a helicopter.

Navajo blanket blessing to transport injured man

of the form Right now I'm in the middle of a estate. One of the things I wanted to have and which now decorate my home is a parchment-like piece with paintings of Native Americans on. In the middle dances a decorated horse. It was my uncle, who was very culturally interested, who came over this work of art, which he then framed under glass. For me, the artwork has a special meaning when one of the things I was intrigued by when I first looked at the church was the link between the Book of Mormon and America's indigenous peoples. Furthermore, the Book of Mormon accused of being false on the basis of the horses mentioned in the Book of Mormon. Today we know that horses have been precolumbiansk in America, but it was not until recently that research came up with this. Personally, I have no idea if my Native American art at home with a dancing horse in the late dated, or if it's something very old, but I really appreciate the horse in the picture, which really seems to be associated with the people that are around you.

A fb group that I receive updates from the uppskattat.se They often have very nice message and today they shared with him a story about an American man, whose economy had gone bust when he was seriously injured in a car accident. One evening he saw the equivalent of antique round on television. He balked when they showed up an Indian blanket which turned out to be very costly. The man himself had such a blanket at home and decided to find out what it was worth. The exciting story you can take part of the Youttube clip below.

[Youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9cGlS05233Q&w=560&h=315]